Florida's Got Balls!

Another fun story from the Oddly Enough file at Reuters.

Apparently a Republican state senator in Florida has proposed a ban on those fake testicles that you may have noticed dangling from the rear of pickup trucks. If you haven't seen them before prepare your eyes for a treat:



I admit, when I first saw these last year I giggled. I think they are pretty stupid after about a minute and if not the tackiest thing I have ever seen, would place right up there.

But if Billy-Bob wants to adorn his mobile gun rack   trailer trash magnet   penis compensator pickup truck, then far be it from us to stop him.

I mean if we are going to start legislating poor vehicular taste, then I submit: any spinning rims, gold-colored cars, or putting a 6' spoiler on the back of a Prius be a capital offense!

At the end of the day I think this bill has as much chance of passing in Florida as does a ban on rainbow stickers in San Fransisco.

No Greater Love Hath a Man...

Than to hire drinking buddies for his pop.

A London man hired someone to take his 88 year old father from the nursing home to a local pub for a few pints. Full Story here.

If I ever become so cantankerous and insufferable that no one will drink with me, I hope my kids take a page out of this guy's book.

( For the record, I hear that 20 year old Scandinavian triplet swimsuit models make the best drinking buddies. )

Look Ma, No Hands!

9 1/2 months old and strolling...



Things to teach Rileigh:

[✓] Saying "Da Da"

[✓] Walking

[ ] Using a toilet

[ ] All the lyrics to Vanilla Ice's, "Ice Ice Baby"

[ ] How to solve a quadratic equation

My work is never done!

Let The Games Begin...

Inspired by Tax day, the upcoming presidential election, and by recently watching HBO's John Adams miniseries, I would like to start off a series of posts on politics, government, and society.

My goal is that many of you will comment and engage in the discussion, especially those of you who never comment :-)

One of the biggest problems I see with politics (and many other things), is that people are woefully uninformed. Most of us muddle through our lives with blinders firmly affixed, looking occasionally to the evening news and some 9-second sound bites as the basis for our understanding of political issues. Maybe it is apathy or cynicism, or maybe we are all just incredibly lazy; but as a result, many candidates are elected into office by psychology rather than platform. The media certainly adds to the difficulty of our ability to parse what is real and what is the dangling of a shiny object in front of our eyes meant to distract us like the redirecting of a toddler. (Look no further than the recent hullabaloo in the media over Obama’s “bitter” remarks for proof of this.) We live in a society that fosters the need for politicians to consult advisors and strategists to create the image of a leader that will appease the masses and win elections. Every detail from catchy bumper-sticker slogans and boisterous, albeit vacuous stump speeches, down to hair and makeup is carefully planned out and precisely delivered to secure your vote. How do we get past this superficial bullshittery?

Well, the solution certainly doesn’t involve reading this blog!

I don’t pretend to have The Answer but I imagine it would start with discussing some actual issues.

First up, always a crowd pleaser: Abortion.

Our 3 major presidential candidates differ predictably in their stance on this issue along party lines. Both democratic candidates oppose overturning Roe v. Wade, Clinton goes one step further and says she will sign into the Freedom of Choice act turning the Roe v. Wade ruling into Federal law. McCain supports the overturning of Roe v. Wade and supports the prohibition of Federal funds going to groups that perform abortions.

So, where do you stand on this issue and more importantly, why?

(Does anyone hear Michael Buffer in the background?)

The Taxman Cometh

As a reminder to all the procrastinators out there, you have until midnight tonight to get your robbery voucher tax return postmarked.

Tax day is an appropriate time to reflect on where our tax money goes and, to that end, what the role of our government is and/or should be. Combined with the campaign season this year, I think it's a fine time to engage in some good old-fashioned rhetoric.

My next post will be the first in a series that will cover some hot-button topics and should be interesting at the very least.

There May Be Hope For Me Yet

Thanks to Susie for sending me this.




Click picture to enlarge.

You Might Be a Dad

If you just got a huge kick out of dancing around the living room while watching REM retool their hit Shiny Happy People into Furry Happy Monsters on Sesame Street, you might be a dad!

And yes, before you ask, Rileigh was watching with me!

See for yourself, go ahead, try not to dance, I dare you!

Aquarium Pictures

View of Philadelphia from the New Jersey Aquarium:



Some aquatic Life:






Rileigh enjoys the fish, or as she calls them, "aaahhhyyee", that must be baby for "LUNCH!"





The girls mugging for the camera:



A CITY-EATING SHARK! HELP!



Speaking of sharks, we made about $11.50 at the "Touch a Shark" booth before our little carpet shark bit someone and they asked us to leave ;)

Mommas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Canines

While visiting the New Jersey Aquarium yesterday I saw something interesting. A mother who was walking around enjoying the exhibits with her young daughter-pretty mundane, except the daughter was being walked around on a leash! The child, who was about 4yrs old, was tethered to her mother by a blue nylon, full-on chest harness that looked like it was suited to be worn by a team of Huskies mushing over the tundra. I had seen several other children, over the years, with various iterations of parental belay-on; most looked like coiled phone cord and were attached to the kid at the wrist and others were merely strings tied onto the strollers that the children held on to as they walked. But this was different. It looked something like this:



It was painful for me to watch. The little girl was very excited and trying to hurry between displays. Every few steps the line would pull taught and she would strain against her reigns as if she were an ox pulling a loaded cart. She was visibly frustrated and I wondered about the potential for injury as she would run full-force only to be clotheslined back by her leash. It was quite sad. What ever happened to holding your kid's hand? What's next, strap little Timmy up and don a pair of roller blades and head to the grocery store-mush you little bastard, mush! Hey, it would reduce our carbon footprint!

These uber-parent types crack me up! The show up with their backpacks, sippy-cups, and enough snacks provisions to last in case a nuclear winter should befall them on the way home from the park. Everything is neatly sealed in color coordinated zip-lock baggies with Justin, Connor, Madison, and Zachary's name written on the labels in perfect calligraphy. Armed with instant sanitizer and a first aid kit that would rival many trauma centers, they set off chauffeuring the kids between "play-dates", soccer practice, arts and crafts, story-time at the library and violin lessons- all before lunch! Their afternoons are filled with more of the same; and finally there is time to stop at the psychologist's office for the weekly visit because the child isn't paper trained socializing well with the other kids.

TAKE OFF THE LEASH! THEY ARE CHILDREN, NOT DOGS!

World renowned child-rearing expert, comedian, and pimp, Kat Williams weighs in on the issue below:

Why I Wish I Had a Job !

Today was Wear a Kilt to Work Day , sponsored by The Glenlivet.

Nothing says Scotch Drinker quite like cross-dressing!

OINK OINK OINK

Yesterday the watchdog group, Citizens Against Government Waste, released its annual report on where your tax dollars are going. Its report is aptly named the Pig Book- since it highlights all those wonderful earmarks known in political parlance as pork.

For those who don't know, these are appropriations of monies that are "added" to congressional bills that sneak through cash to a congressman's/senator's favorite home local project. Let me give you a hypothetical example, say you are a senator and sponsor a bill that you want me (another senator) to vote for. Here comes the extortion, I ask for a (relatively) small amount of money say, 10 million, to go to remodel a local community center in my state. I vote for your bill, it passes, my community center gets remodeled and I look like a hero to my constituents. Win-win right?

WRONG.

This is our money that these criminal bastards are spending like a teenage girl with daddy's credit card! This year 17.2 BILLION* of our tax dollars disappeared this way.

Click here to read the Pig Book in .pdf.

One of my favorites is :

$3,000,000.00 earmarked by House Majority Whip James Clyburn (D-SC) to go to ...wait for it......wait for it...

"...promote character development and life enhancing values through the game of golf" (Pig Report pg 21)

Can I get a Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?

"life enhancing values through the game of golf"

I suppose it is imperative to teach the youth of our country the value of wearing plaid pants that would make a pimp blush.

ACK! My head hurts!

And, in case you were wondering how our 3 presidential candidates did in the senate:

Clinton: $300 million in earmarks
Obama: $100 million in earmarks
McCain : $ 0 dollars

John McCain happens to be a staunch opponent to earmarks (one redeeming quality I suppose) and in fact said,

“I believe that this book[Pig Report] should be read by every citizen in America…What is being done here by CAGW, in my view, is of the greatest importance. My constituents…need to have these concrete examples of the way that business is done here in Washington, D.C., unfortunately, and the only way it’s going to stop is when it’s exposed"

Amen.


*Granted, in the grand scheme of the things our government does, it pales in comparison. Just so you understand the scale, this would foot the bill for the Iraq war for a mere 50 days.

Slightly More Integrity Than CNN

Happy April 1st!

Diebold Accidentally Leaks Results Of 2008 Election Early