The North American Carpet Shark

Weighing in at just under 20 lbs and measuring about 2 feet in length, the diminutive Carpet Shark does not appear very threatening. In fact the Carpet Sharks looks quite cute. Looks however, can be deceiving.

Sharkus shagrugius, commonly known as the North American Carpet Shark, is a highly evolved eating and defecating machine and general agent of chaos that wreaks havoc throughout millions of homes in America.

Officially a mammal, this versatile ankle-biter earns the "shark" moniker for its freakishly keen senses and predatory skills. Much in the same way an aquatic shark can detect a drop of blood in an Olympic sized swimming pool, this land based creature has the uncanny ability to detect anything in the vicinity that it can mete out destruction upon. Scientists, to date, are unable to locate the specialized organ that the Carpet Shark uses to detect its prey, some suspect it is housed in the creature's rosy apple-cheeks. In its ocean-going cousin this structure has been identified as the Ampullae of Lorenzini.

Nevertheless, its feats of detection are legendary. The Carpet Shark we have in our home now, for instance, is able to sense, as far as 2 rooms away, when an object such as a remote control has been laid too close to the edge of a table. It will immediately stop what it was doing (usually using its 4 very sharp teeth to redesign a wooden windowsill or testing the structural integrity of furniture) and use its impressive speed to scurry across the carpet and attack the unsuspecting object; visiting its particular brand of dental punishment upon the hapless item. Ours seems to have a penchant for electrical cords fireplaces, and cat food bowls, foregoing the usually effective, and quite expensive, multi-colored Shark Distraction Toys.

In an effort to stave off such senseless and brutal attacks, my wife and I have developed a corralling system of barriers and road-blocks to wrangle the slippery critter. The Shark will not be deterred so easily it seems, as it has employed some sort of defense that involves emitting a high pitched, pulsating scream that serves to disorient and confuse its captors. It has, on occasion, even resorted to sinking its 4-pack of toothy terror into our own flesh! The struggle goes on.

Pictured below is a photo of our "cute" but viscous Carpet Shark. This particular one was bred in captivity on a small island in the Caribbean and transplanted here several months ago.



Please exercise EXTREME caution and due diligence when dealing with this deceptively dangerous denizen of the dining room.