Due to a recent windfall, courtesy of the generous blackjack gods, I decided to splurge and buy the Cadillac of baby swings.This thing is loaded: multi-speed, whisper-quiet operation, a automatic timer, built-in music with 15 songs! I want one for me!
Rileigh enjoys her swing, much like her siblings did, and there was joy in McDonoughville. However while enjoying the built in music I noticed something that I never noticed before.
One of the songs it plays to "soothe" babies is Rock a bye baby. I'm sure you are all familiar with this little ditty, but have you ever really listened to the lyrics. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot!
Let's review:
Rock-a-bye, baby [you'll notice it's not rap-a-bye or hip-hop-a-bye, but maybe that' just me]
In the treetop [the creationists won't be happy here- what the hell are humans doing in treetops?!]
When the wind blows [obviously a nod to the global warming effects on our planet]
The cradle will rock [so far so good]
When the bough breaks [uh-oh perhaps the evil logging companies and their deforestation are at work here]
The cradle will fall [Thank Newton, I wouldn't have it any other way]
And down will come baby [Sweet mother of Trauma!]
Cradle and all. [by the way, the cradle and baby will accelerate toward the earth at the exact same velocity-barring wind resistance of course]
Now, what the hell kind of baby song is this? I mean you got babies in cradles, unattended, falling out of trees. Trees, really? Who puts a kid in a tree? What sick demented bastard wrote this Charles Manson? Hitler? Dick Cheney? Well, I did a little research.
It seems Puritans are the responsible for this sick and twisted nursery rhyme. Yeah, those puritans. The same spartan living, Mayflower sailing, Indian killing,goth dressing, quaker oats cooking puritans.
According to my research the puritans used to hang their cradles from tree branches so that the wind would rock them to sleep and give the puritan moms time to ....to... continue to be sexually repressed, read their bible, churn butter, accuse each other of witchcraft, or whatever the hell else puritan women did. Apparently it was not uncommon back then to see trees festooned with multiple suspended cradles (during 18th century Tupperware parties I guess). Scary scary stuff.
So the next time you read or sing a nursery rhyme to your kids, pay attention to the words. Let's stop the cycle of acrophobia inducing, arbor vilifying, cautionary tales of parental neglect that only terrorize our children!
No longer an intern (The Salt Lake Tribune, 7/6/13)
11 years ago
10 Comments:
omg dad. only you would "research" a innocent nursery rhyme. love the picture.
<3Megg
Not so innocent though is it!
What's next the story of The 3 little Piggies and the big bad meat grinder?
Or how about The genetically altered cow that jumped over the moon only to die of hoof and mouth disease
Where will it end?
Another swipe at the Administration on this site. Hmmm. What am I gonna do with you, Vin? Shape up or I'm gonna have to call the 'House' and get them to turn Rove loose on you. Instead of waterboarding, I hear he likes to strap you to a chair and make you listen to Dr Johnson read from the DSM for 5-6 hours straight. That's how they broke Khalid Shaikh Mohammed. Don't make me be the bad guy.
John
Anything but that!
That kind of torture could make Cheney himself admit to being a card carrying member of the ACLU.
Well, you know I enjoyed the Cheney reference. But more importantly, that sure is one cute kid...have we figured out who the father is yet?
I assure you she is mine, she is EXACTLY like me: big head, bald, and a cranky disposition when hungry!
Thankfully she looks like Kathy!
Yes - thankfully!!!
Take heart Meagan, a person's interpretation of a piece of art is just that, their interpretation. Analysis of artwork is like a Rorschach test; it yeilds more insight into the mind of the
I know I'm late to this post, but we can't forget one of our other "innocent" favorites, Ring Around The Rosy... look that one up, Vince, if you don't already know it's origins!
Surely you know I am just geeky enough to know the origins of Ring Around the Rosy!
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