I'm tooting my own horn over winning the caption-it! contest over at Dazed and Confused's blog for the second week in a row!
The picture this week was:
My caption:
An eerie hush fell upon them; and in that instant, they all knew No one would make fun of Grover's speech impediment ever, ever again.
Click here to see the results.
Be sure to check his blog out tomorrow for the new picture and submit your caption.
OK It's now official. Our congress is now just as useless as the proverbial tits on a bull.
Congressional masturbation persists.
Following on the heels of the scathing denouncement of MoveOn.org's contreversial NYT ad, a representative from Colorado will introduce a resolution "condemning Rush Limbaugh's comments last week. Story here.
On Wednesday, Rush Limbaugh said on his radio show, that soldiers who disagree with US policy are "phony soldiers". I can hardly stand it anymore. In my opinion, Rush Limbaugh is a blow-hard douche bag; and his comments are the silliest things I have heard in some time. But I do not think it is the place of our (paid) leadership to waste time talking about this. In short, who gives a Vicodin-riddled shit what Rush said, or what MoveOn put in an ad.
To borrow a phrase from a fellow blogger:
THE STUPID, IT BURNS.
AAAAARRRRGGGGG!!!!!!!
I can't take the stupidity. Whiskey tango foxtrot is wrong with our country? This story epitomizes the absolutely asinine, ridiculous climate of political correctness that abounds.
The US Navy has earmarked $600,000 for building renovations to one of its buildings in Coronado, CA. What wrong with the buildings you ask? Well, thats just it- the Navy is going to spend $600,000 to change the way the building looks.................
FROM THE SKY!!!!!!!
People have complained that the complex bears a striking resemblance to a swastika- the ancient symbol that the Nazi party hijacked in the 1920's. Obviously the people walking by would be offended right? Not exactly. The building's "controversial" design is not apparent from the ground. OK then I suppose people flying overhead in a plane would surely be offended, right? Wrong again. There are NO air traffic patterns, either commercial or military, that pass over the building complex. So why are people up in arms about it? Google Earth!
Yup, apparently people have looked at the satellite photographs of the area via Google Earth and got their panties all in a twist. GIVE ME A BREAK!!!!!!!!!!! It's a building, people. GROW UP!
Reality Check Time: The building was built in the 1960's and has managed to offend exactly no one in all the time up until some idiot looked on Google Earth. The only way to see it is to actually, and purposefully locate and zoom in on the area from within the program. Offended by the "evil" swastika? I got an idea- DON'T LOOK AT IT!
Should our tax dollars be spent modifying a building that was innocently erected 40 years ago and up until this point has offended no one? I imagine that our military has more pressing uses for this money- say, for instance body armor for our soldiers, or prostheses for the several thousand amputees the war has created.
With American soldiers dying everyday, $700 million leaking out of our national coffers on a daily basis, over 40 million Americans without health insurance, and the threat of confrontation with Iran looming in the distance, it is comforting that our beloved congress has nothing better to do than engage in what amounts to political masturbation. Saber-rattling and grandstanding by congress is a waste of time. And doesn't the congress have more important things to do?
Yesterday the House of Representatives followed the Senate in their invertebrate fashion and passed a resolution condemning the infamous MoveOn.org ad that ran earlier this month in the New York Times.
The ad essentially is critical of the apparent discrepancy between the statistics offered by Petraeus at the congressional testimony and actual data. The ad claims that Petraeus' numbers are painting a rosier picture in Iraq because of the unorthodox method that the data is tabulated; for instance: deaths from car bombs are not counted, nor are assassinations included unless the person was shot in the head. The ad asks the question: "General Petraeus, or General Betray Us". Now regardless of your politics, I think it is key to keep one thing in mind:
NO ONE IN A FREE SOCIETY IS BEYOND REPROACH!
That means we get to ask questions and criticize and even say "Fuck Bush" in a college newspaper if we so choose. It is the one thing that defines who we are and is the backbone of a free society.
I did. This one tips the giggleometer at around an 8.5. Enjoy.
Oh, for life to be that simple again.
"Ethan" is the codename for a very young Oliver North. His penchant for paper ripping clearly had already had blossomed at the time of this filming.
Not a lot of things surprise me anymore. But this story from the Washington Post has me scratching my head.
A classified "Baiting" program in Iraq has come to light. Here is a brief rundown:
Military snipers place "drop items" such as ammunition boxes, detonation cords, or plastic explosives out in plain sight and then wait. When the items are picked up and people try to make off with them ..well, its pink mist time.
Apparently there is pressure on snipers to "take down" more insurgents in response to high US casualties. This sounds like a twisted quota program, but I digress...
Call me a bleeding heart left-wing commie hippie liberal pacifist, but I have a couple problems with this "tactic". First, the misguided justification that assumes that anyone who may try to pick up something will try to use the item against the US forces. The article quotes an official:
Eugene Fidell, president of the National Institute of Military Justice, said such a baiting program should be examined "quite meticulously" because it raises troubling possibilities, such as what happens when civilians pick up the items.Well, no shit sherlock! Last I checked we weren't actually fighting against any real military in Iraq. Hence the name "Insurgents". So, technically speaking aren't they all civilians? Fine, you can make the point that civilian in this case means non-insurgent, but have you met anyone who can spot the difference between a civilian and an "insurgent" through a sniper scope? (I suppose you could use the old "If they run they are insurgents, if they stand still they are well-disciplined insurgents.")
If you haven't noticed yet I recently Installed the little BlogRush widget on the left. It is a little advertisement of other blogs in a category you choose (I picked Humor). Every time the widget is loaded on your page (however many times people visit the blog) you accumulate "credits". These credits correspond to the number of widgets that appear on other people's blog in which a post title of yours will appear. It is basically just a way to get more traffic happening by your blog to read your crap. I have only had it less than a week and have seen a mild increase in hits to my blog. If you have a blog you should consider giving it a shot (click on the link at the bottom of the widget or click here). There is a referral system so that everyone that adds BlogRush to their site from your referral will increase the credits you earn. Occasionally I find a pretty funny post through the widget.
Anyway, the point of all that is to tell you this: I clicked on one of the post listed there and found a pretty amusing blog named Dazed and Confused From Here. There is a weekly feature where he posts an interesting picture and holds an contest to come up with the best caption. This week's winner was....................ME!
Here is the picture:
And this was my winning comment:
"Mary Kate enlists Ashley to finally exact her revenge on Paris."
Click on this link to see the other comments submitted and here to see all the results. Check out some of his other Caption It! contests.
I may steal this idea for my blog as soon as I find interesting pictures.
I love this story!
It seems Charles Jay Wolff, a prison inmate who is an Orthodox Jew, is suing the Department of Corrections in New Hampshire for $10 million over his prison diet.
He went so far as to enclose a hard boiled egg in the envelope he sent to a judge to complain about the prison officials and their refusal to serve him a Kosher diet. He requested an injunction that would force the prison to provide him with meals that met both his "spiritual and medical needs".
The U.S. District Court Judge, James Muirhead, decided to channel Dr. Seuss in composing his reply. He wrote:
"I do not like eggs in the file. I do not like them in any style. I will not take them fried or boiled. I will not take them poached or broiled. I will not take them soft or scrambled/Despite an argument well-rambled. No fan I am/Of the egg at hand. Destroy that egg! Today! Today! Today I say! Without delay!"
As Kathy, Rileigh, and I went on our evening walk around the golf course, we noticed a flurry of activity and more golfers and carts ar the clubhouse than ever before. As it turns out the course was holding a night golf outing. They placed glow-stick embedded lights at each tee and on each flag. Also, the golfers were outfitted with light up balls. (it's too easy, I'm not even going to bother!)
I tried to take some pictures and even a little video of a foursome at the hole that our balcony overlooks when we got home, but the pictures didn't turn out so well with the low light and my subjects so far from me. Here is the best of the bunch. You will have to expand the picture to see anything. I apologize fro the crappy quality.
I can't imagine making such a frustrating game even harder. There are only a handful of athletic endeavors meant to be pursued in the dark :-)
Tonight a group of us decided to have dinner at Lal's Indian restaurant near the SXM airport. It is one of my favorite little places to eat and since Lal is closing for 3 weeks starting tomorrow I decided one more fix was in order. I honestly don't know how my body will react to tamarind, cumin, and curry withdraw and frankly I am afraid.
Arrggh ye filthy landlubbers!
Tis National Talk Like a Pirate Day . So rattle ye sabers and shiver up the old timbers and pour ye self a mug o rum.
And by all means grab ye some booty!
Some storm clouds moved in early this evening- I suppose they were the remnants of what was to be hurricane Ingrid. Within minutes of the first picture, it got very dark and that's when the light show began. I used the "Starry Night" setting on my camera which basically keeps the shutter open for either 15, 30, or 60 seconds. Pretty cool pictures. Click on them to yadda yadda yadda.
This is certainly one of my top 3 favorite joke emails of all time. I first got it about 5 years ago and haven't seen it for several years. It is old but still damn funny.I defy you to read this while trying to drink something.
______________________________________________________________
The notes are from an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting Texas from the East Coast:
Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The Judge #3 called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the Budweiser truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted."
Here are the scorecards from the event:
Chili # 1 (Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chili)
Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
Judge # 3 -- (Frank) Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.
Chili # 2 (Arthur's Afterburner Chili)
Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.
Chili # 3 (Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili)
Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick. Needs more beans.
Judge # 2 -- A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now.
Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced from all of the beer!
Chili # 4 (Bubba's Black Magic)
Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds?
Sally, the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills.
That 300-lb. bitch is starting to look HOT... just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?
Chili # 5 (Linda's Legal Lip Remover)
Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato.
Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks.
Chili # 6 (Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety)
Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.
Judge #3-- I shit myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that slut Sally. She must be kinkier than I thought. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone.
Chili # 7 (Susan's Screaming Sensation Chili)
Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. I should take note that I am worried about Judge #3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava-like shit to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.
Chili # 8 (Tommy's Toe-Nail Curling Chili)
Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge # 3 passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor fella.
What was to be hurricane Ingrid has fizzled out and lost strength and is now a lowly tropical depression. It has also moved considerably north and will miss us by a few hundred miles.
This one may get a little closer than Dean. Right now it's a Tropical Depression but is expected to graduate to Tropical Storm by Saturday. If conditions remain right we will be looking at Hurricane Ingrid early next week. If the storm continues on its current path, predictions have it getting within 137 miles from us.Hopefully, that just means some rain and wind for us. A lot of ifs right now, it is still early but we'll keep an eye out.
This very disturbing story courtesy of Sports Illustrated.
Some poor bastard, Brian Christopher Thomas (first names are popular in the south), walks into a bar in Oklahoma (that's Sooner country y'all) and make a mistake that nearly cost him his manhood.
He was wearing a Texas Longhorns T-shirt.
Apparently those fans take their football very seriously and took poor Brian's fashion choice as a personal affront. The bar patrons quickly engaged in trash-talking and particularly by 53 year old Allen Michael Beckett (again with the 3 first names- scary ain't it?). Who, incidentally, is a church deacon!!!!! (Everyone knows that god is on the Sooners side!)
Oh to have been a fly on the wall and borne witness to the witty repartee of each man extolling the virtues of his favorite college team! Poetry, I tell you it must have been pure poetry! Anyway, a physical scuffle ensued in which Beckett thought it was fair to grab onto a fistful of Thomas' "footballs" and hang on for dear life. I assume he was waiting to hear the 8 second rodeo buzzer- an honest mistake. Beckett refused to relinquish his new found orbs even as the two were being separated by the crowd.
After the football fans were separated, poor Thomas looked down only to see the horror of his personal Rocky Mountain Oysters dangling ex-vivo. Some creative stuffing and some 60 stitches later Thomas now is in full possession of all masculine accouterments.
Silly Rednecks, you don't geld people! Even if they are Longhorns.
A couple of pictures taken this morning from school. As usual- click on the pictures to view the larger version.
I take my coffee with blue skies and clouds, thank you.
I have never considered myself an opera fan.
Admittedly my exposure to opera has been limited to Bugs Bunny performing the (Rabbit)Barber of Seville as well as my all time favorite piece "Kill the Wabbit" (Ride of the Valkyries). But since last Thursday's death of Luciano Pavarotti there have been no shortage of video clips of the great maestro around the net. I have watched several of these brief clips and must say that I rather enjoyed almost all of them.
It wasn't until this afternoon however that I can admit that I have watched an opera for longer than a few minutes. Channel 13 (New York's PBS station) was rebroadcasting some of the great performances from the Met in honor of Pavarotti's death and aired a 1981 performance of L'Elisir D'Amore (The Elixir of Love). I tuned in just at the end of the first act; thankfully the station broadcast the English subtitles at the bottom of the screen. I did a search online and quickly read the synopsis of the opera during the intermission so I could follow along. I watch until the end. It was that good.
The story is a little simplistic, granted, but I was truly mesmerized when Pavarotti sang his (apparently very famous) rendition of Una furtiva lagrima (a furtive tear) in the second act.
I was able to find a clip of this on YouTube (sans subtitles) so I will post the lyrics with translation below. If you can watch this and not be the slightest bit affected, you are not human!
Lyrics:
Una furtiva lagrima negli occhi suoi spuntò...quelle festose giovani invidiar sembrò...Che più cercando io vo?M'ama, lo vedo. Un solo istante i palpiti del suo bel cor sentir!.. Co' suoi sospir confondere per poco i miei sospir!... Cielo, si può morir; di più non chiedo.
Translation:
A sullen and secretive tear that started there in her eye... Those socializing bright young things seemed to provoke its envy... What more searching need I do? She loves me, that I see. For just one moment the beating of her hot pulse could be felt!.. With her sighing confounding momentarily my sighs!... Oh God, I shall expire; I can't ask for more.
Even through the clunky translation you have to appreciate the poetry.
Disclaimer: I'll be having a testosterone level drawn directly (just in case).
Kyla Ebbert, a 23 year old college student (and part time
Hooters waitress) was taking a flight from San Diego to Tuscon for an appointment with her doctor. Shortly after boarding the plane she was singled out and escorted off the plane and into the jet way where she was told she would have to take a later flight because her outfit was too revealing and Southwest was a "family airline". Full Story Here.
She is pictured here wearing the outfit in question.
Um...WTF?
Ebbert's mother was outraged and sent a letter to Southwest.
Southwest airlines, who admit they do not have a dress code* responded via a letter, stood by their employee and added that they maintained the right to remove any passenger "whose clothing is lewd, obscene or patently offensive to ensure the comfort of children and adults with heightened sensitivities.”
Heightened sensitivities? It sounds like the kind of shit you hear from Islamic countries not from a Texas airline with a reputation for being fun-loving. I don't see anything lewd, obscene, or offensive with the young woman's outfit. Certainly no more revealing than you see in any mall in America. You remember America don't you? the land of "freedom". Apparently, in the People's Republic of Southwest those freedoms don't exist.
Ebbert, her mother, and oh yeah you guessed it: her lawyer, appeared on the Today show with Matt Lauer. The video of the segment is here.
I for one hope she sues the self-righteous bastards for all their ridiculously small sized bags of pretzels.
*A Southwest agent actually told a reporter who called and asked, that a woman would be able to board and fly wearing a bikini top!
| You Are Incredibly Logical |
 Move over Spock - you're the new master of logic You think rationally, clearly, and quickly. A seasoned problem solver, your mind is like a computer! |
Courtesy of ThatsNotNews.com :
Adding 490 horse power to a receding hairline, small penis, and large bank account won't help you get the ladies- if you are an idiot.
In Australia this man was trying to impress some women on the side of the road when he lost control of his Ferrari F430 Spider and impaled it on a pole.
The car can go from 0 to 60 in 4 seconds and has a top speed of just under 200mph. It has a hefty price tag as well, retailing for just under $200,000.
Many middle aged men feel the hefty price tag is well worth it since every Ferrari model comes standard with a 1.6 billion guass Chick Magnet™ installed just under the hood.
Perhaps this car had its magnet mistakenly set to "pole" not "poontang".
Well my heart is breaking all over the place. It seems that Leona Helmsley's brother, Alvin Rosenthal, doesn't want any Trouble- literally.
Helmsley left 12 million to her beloved pooch, Trouble, and stipulated that her brother be her caretaker, but the brother has no interest in the little Maltese dog even if she comes with a 12 million dollar expense account. Read the whole story here.
Further problems plaguing this pampered pooch include the refusal of the cemetery where Helmsley is interred to bury Trouble with her when the dog dies. The cemetery citing state laws that forbid animals and people to occupy the same graveyard. One can only speculate as to what sort of necrophilia/bestiality the lawmakers were trying to prevent here. It seems perfectly ludicrous to me. The idea that we separate our rotting corpses based on species is kind of silly.
As if this weren't enough to ruin poor Trouble's day, it has come to light that a former employee of Helmsley may be trying to sue the coddled canine over an alleged biting incident in the past.
Rumor has it that the dog may be trying to retain the legal services of some of the most successful lawyers in the canine world. Some of the names thrown around include: Alan Dogowitcz, Jonnie Barkcharan, and Fido Lee Bailey.
Meanwhile Trouble will wait to hear news of her fate in the Helmsley estate, a 28 room mansion. She is attended to by staffers.
Hang in there girl. Things could be worse. Michael Vick could have adopted you.
Today we planned to drive to Marigot and walk around the marina and shops with Rileigh and her stroller. I forgot that today is Sunday and the whole island virtually shuts down. Instead we settled on lunch at a beach-side restaurant on Orient Beach named the Kakao Cafe.
The food was pretty good and the views are awesome. The weather was gorgeous and the whole afternoon would have been perfect except about half way through our lunch the baby decided she had had enough of ocean side dining beautiful day notwithstanding.
If you get a chance to go there I recommend the goat cheese pannini.
