Psychiatry Week 1

Psychiatry.

I was actually looking forward to this rotation- mostly because I wanted to be finished with Internal Medicine (also known as Eternal Medicine). Although the first week isn't over until tomorrow, so far so good. The hours are much better, the call schedule is very light and as an added bonus: there is virtually non-stop amusement.

Now before you think ill of me and accuse me of having an over developed Schadenfreude Center in my brain, it's not that I delight in the maladies of others, it's just that... well... they are so damned entertaining sometimes!

This week alone for instance:

• I spoke with a man who has only a passing familiarity with reality and reports having a chip in his tooth (by chip he means "device") that not only hears every thing that is said around him but receives high pitched noise through it. He has tried- unsuccessfully- to remove said chip; but in his defense, I suppose he wants to be as ginger as possible since it is in one of the last 3 teeth he has left.

• I was accosted outside the hospital by an elderly Polish-only speaking woman who was yelling at me through what appeared to be only a triplet of teeth as well (note to self: check Fluoridation policy of NYC) and who was given to wild gesticulating and grabbing at her crotch. Upon further communication it became clear she wanted directions to the subway! (note to self #2: I have GOT to learn Polish, where apparently grabbing at one's LadyBidness translates roughly into: Pardon me goodly sir, canst thou point me to the nearest train depot?)

• And rounding up the pack there are my fellow students. Among the great constants of the universe, it seems that for any collection of medical students, where N>8, there must be at least one among the group who is so full of pathology, so devoid of the slightest remnant of social skills, and so devoid of insight, that it borders on the absurd. This rotation does not fail to disappoint in that regard. Exactly 3 seconds after making initial eye contact with one particular fellow student, I was harangued by this poor soul who obviously hails from a planet country where disclosing your name, rank, serial number, entire academic accomplishments, political views, career aspirations, turn-ons, what you plan on naming your unborn children, favorite color, shoe size, and blood type (in a single breath and delivered within 2 minutes!!) is not only polite, but must be considered charming.
  

Never a dull moment.

Bonus Quote of the Day :

"Men will always be mad, and those who think they can cure them are the maddest of all." -Voltaire