On losing one's mind...

Friday night was my last shift of my Emergency Medicine rotation. Unfortunately, it went out with a whimper and not a bang. My last 2 shifts there were uncharacteristically slow. I suppose that is a good thing for the citizens surrounding the hospital, but not necessarily how you want your shifts to go when you are an eager medical student. (paying not a small sum of money to 'get your learn on') The whole rotation went really well however, and it has been the most enjoyable rotation by far. I am looking forward to another ER rotation assuming I can successfully schedule one.

With only 5 months of rotations left, I am starting to see the light at the end of this tunnel. It is a pretty exciting time. I must admit my excitement is tempered a bit by the stress of all that remains left to do. There are personal statements to write, lists of residency programs to weed through, letters of recommendations to secure, applications to fill out etc. The seemingly endless administrative tasks are the bane of my existence, but a necessary evil so I'll stop whining now.

Before I can dedicate the time needed to get my applications in order, I have to tackle the USMLE Step 2. August 10th is my test date. I have been trying to study as much as I can and have been doing practice questions for almost 2 months now- squeezing in a block of questions whenever I could. Since I am rotation-free for the next 3 weeks, my studying will ratchet up to a full-time job (in addition to my Mr. Mom duties while Kathy is at work) so this should be a very interesting few weeks. I have been doing pretty well so far on the practice questions and I did well on the sample exam that you can download from the USMLE site; so far so good.

While I am fairly confident going into this exam, everyday it seems I uncover yet another piece of medical knowledge that yours truly has simply... forgotten. The information is gone and all that remains is the phantom of a memory, mocking you, like a dream you can barely remember. The harder I try to recall, the fuzzier the details get until I find myself at my desk drooling on myself and realize half an hour has passed. I realize that no one is expected to remeber everything, and I'm sure everyone has moments like these, but it is of little consulation when you feel the cruel grip of senility taking hold. Studying for an exam like this is quite the gut-check. I think half the battle is hanging on to your sanity.

I have a particular mental block when it comes to a few topics, try as I might they slide through the steel trap sieve that is my mind:

The glycogen storage diseases- once upon a time I could prattle on about them, now... nada.

The serological markers and the auto immune diseases they are associated with- anit-dna, ana, anti-centromere, smith, rho, jo, anca...calgon take me away!

The congenital adrenal hyperplasia enzyme deficiencies- 11, 17, 21...22 23 whatever it takes. ( I have drawn the chart about a bajillion times over the last 4 years- you think I would remeber... any of it!

The relationship of gnrh, fsh, lh, estrogen and progesterone in the menstural cycle/pregnancy. This one I can usually recall after a mini "drooling session" but it seems that my lack of understanding of women doesn't end with The Mystery of the toilet seat left in the UP position and the psychotic break it precipitates in those afflicted with 2 X chromosomes.

By no means is this list complete, the sheer weight of what I don't remember would sink the QE2.

Despite my selective amnesia, I push on, ego in tatters, and like Sisyphus, I am condmened to watch the boulder of my memory roll back down the hill. Maybe today some of it will stick.

Maybe.