Is This Sooner Country? You Bet Your Balls It Is!

This very disturbing story courtesy of Sports Illustrated.

Some poor bastard, Brian Christopher Thomas (first names are popular in the south), walks into a bar in Oklahoma (that's Sooner country y'all) and make a mistake that nearly cost him his manhood.

He was wearing a Texas Longhorns T-shirt.

Apparently those fans take their football very seriously and took poor Brian's fashion choice as a personal affront. The bar patrons quickly engaged in trash-talking and particularly by 53 year old Allen Michael Beckett (again with the 3 first names- scary ain't it?). Who, incidentally, is a church deacon!!!!! (Everyone knows that god is on the Sooners side!)

Oh to have been a fly on the wall and borne witness to the witty repartee of each man extolling the virtues of his favorite college team! Poetry, I tell you it must have been pure poetry! Anyway, a physical scuffle ensued in which Beckett thought it was fair to grab onto a fistful of Thomas' "footballs" and hang on for dear life. I assume he was waiting to hear the 8 second rodeo buzzer- an honest mistake. Beckett refused to relinquish his new found orbs even as the two were being separated by the crowd.

After the football fans were separated, poor Thomas looked down only to see the horror of his personal Rocky Mountain Oysters dangling ex-vivo. Some creative stuffing and some 60 stitches later Thomas now is in full possession of all masculine accouterments.

Silly Rednecks, you don't geld people! Even if they are Longhorns.