Well fuck me with a fireplug, Frances!
I would like to immediately revise my heretofore atheistic world view and run, tail firmly lodged betwixt my cowering legs, to the sweet sanctuary of His Eternal Forgiveness. Even an old Paramedic can be wrong.
You see, I am certain the world is .....just...................about..................................done!
I have just read an advertisement for Slentrol.
In this day and age (when I was young we only had 3 channels and we LIKED it myeaa) it isn't exceptionally newsworthy that we be inundated with advertisements for many a wonder drug. Restless legs? Not a problem, we got a pill. Fibromyalgia? Not a problem, we got a pill. Can't get it up? Not a problem, we got a pill. Got PMS? Not a problem, we got a pill. Name a problem and the answer is inevitably the same, Not a problem, we got a pill.
But kind readers, this, this is a sign of the impending just desserts for our wickedness. Of this, I am certain!
Slentrol isn't a little pill designed to cure any particular problem you or I may actually have. In fact it is not for any member of Homo sapiens at all! (even if he has great insurance!)
Slentrol is formulated for the canine among us who are portly, husky, pleasantly-plump, undertall, ovewweight, big-boned, or despite how many crash diets, ab machines, or $9.95 videos he watches, [Fido] just can seem to loose those vertical love handles. Yes, Virginia, Slentrol is a DOGGONE DOGGIE DIET PILL.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Color me confused, but last I checked, Canis lupus familiaris hasn't evolved opposable thumbs, the ability to order in Chinese, or the cerebellar function to wrangle, even the smallest of sub-compacts, through the McDonalds drive-thru lane! Should Spot be a tad on the voluminous side, one would be best served to point the accusing finger paw at the hmm......I don't know....OWNER!
Can I get a WHISKEY TANGO FOXY FOXY FOXTROT up in here??
I couldn't even make this shit up check out the link for yourselves! ( I'll be brushing up on my Omnipotent Sky Daddy ass-kissing)
*** With all due respect, Big Pharma ;-)
EDIT: My FAVORITE PART OF THE AD: "Sentrol must never be used in cats"...I suppose those body-image absorbed felines are already prone to bulimia, with their constant purging and all ;-)
No longer an intern (The Salt Lake Tribune, 7/6/13)
10 years ago
5 Comments:
Overweight?
I wish that was the only problem my dog had. Between the rehab, the AA meetings, the methadog clinic visits, . . . I just don't know what to do.
I work my fingers to the bone, then he goes and buries them in the back yard.
I bought another pet. I thought a little pussy might be nice but he even chases that away.
Maybe I should get him some sleep medicine. A bit of pentobarbital
Wasn't he put on Doglantin to control his seizures?
I remember the tearful intervention you did with the little guy. It broke my heart when he told the story of how his father was a hound dog (and despite being no friend of mine) never nipped at him nor growled at him enough...truly a CATastrophe?
By the way I think you meant PANT-o-barbital...
Have you been watching Halle Berry movies again.
This is taking on a disturbingly speciesist tone. My dog is offended.
The 'emotional plague' runs deep !
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