A Contribution to the Evolutionary Suggestion Box

Well, here we are T-minus 3 days and counting until the manufacturer's recommended due date and nary a pitter-patter to be heard around our house-save, our cats of course. Kathy had a visit with the obstetrician last Wednesday and much to her dismay learned she wasn't dilated at all and the baby was not particularly in launch-ready position. Aside from her suffering from her pregnancy associated affliction, (those who haven't read about it yet can do so here) she is beginning to physically tire from the joys of incubation.

I can't say I blame her. Rather a piss-poor design, in my opinion, to be carrying a tiny human inside your abdomen. With all the back problems, gait dysfunction, bladder issues, and positional compression of large blood vessels- perhaps evolution would have smiled on our species with a rearward facing gestational suite. Kind of a backpack baby. I mean it works for hikers and school students right? You never see someone walking around campus with their books affixed tightly about their midsection do you? Greenpeace voting, tree hugging, LL Bean wearing, and otherwise INSANE mountain hikers conveying their tents, sleeping bags, granola and whatever the hell else they carry are always seen with their cargo behind them. This makes sense to me.
The human spine with its curves is ill-suited to amble about with much weight in front. The ancient Romans figured this out with the design of arches. Evolution has been markedly slower to adopt this principle of physics.

So, for the record, I want to express my empathy and sympathy for my wife and all women who have endured the pain and suffering of carrying a child ventrally.

As the French say, "Vive la Difference!" As any man who has endured lower back pain after__________(insert over ambitious weekend project here) will attest, if it were up to men to carry babies.....